FAT GIRL GETS ANGRY AT ME

A fat Girl emailed me after last weeks piece featuring some of my weight loss products for women. Explanation for my Macon readers; in other cities, since they aren’t Macon and I can play on the word Macon for my name, my column is called Ask The Lariat. The Lariat is not only the top of the line Ford Truck and a Lasso, but the nickname of the greatest wrestler of all time. Stan “The Lariat” Hansen.

I picked up the paper for the first time in a while, and won't be picking it up again anytime soon. The 'Ask the Lariat' piece was so utterly offensive to women!!!!!! I know its meant to be funny, but it wasn't..AT ALL. It was way over the top. Now the least you could have done would be to put beside it a piece on men gaining weight also..to even it out.

Listen Fatty,

The day I stop listening to my heart and start listening to fat girls I’ll let you know, but for now, I’m going to stick the age old formula- Fat + Woman = Fat Woman.

Fat+Men= Big Guy, as in “Hey Big Guy!” Look at it this way….I bet you have a great personality! Seriously sugar tits, I realize guys gain weight too, and I have a whole other line of products meant to help out double chin syndrome, FUPA (Fat Upper Penis Area),

and worst of all Knee Fat. But the fact is, guys can pull it off better. Why? Because we built the railroads…that’s why. We rode Dolphins out of Atlantis, and then cut down forests and sometimes we pee off the back porch. We use fallen trees to cross creeks and like Karate even though we think the Japanese suck for attacking us in Vietnam

Dear Mr. Macon Out

My wife will NOT leave me alone. She doesn’t trust me, if I’m not with her, she thinks I’m doing something wrong, and sometimes, she yells at my friends and throws things at them.

I listened to a message from a friend of mine’s live-in Girlfriend this past weekend. Here is how it went.

“Hey you mutha fuxxer. I don’t know what the fuxx you think I think you’re doing, but I know the fuxx it ain’t fuxxing working. I swear to god you are a no good son of a bixxx.

And you know what? How bout I kill your mutha fuxxing axx when you get over here.”

After he let me hear it, he said . “And she’s sitting in my fuxxing house.”

I’m not familiar with a mindset that can tolerate this kind of behavior. Besides the fact that this guy drinks Zima, he’s a tough, rugged dude. Recently another friend of mine girlfriend got up from our dinner table, yelled at another friend of mine and stormed outside and started crying. The friend she yelled at had done absolutely nothing to incite this and to this day, she’s offered up no explanation to him or to any of us. How do you handle it? I’m pretty stumped on it, to be honest with you. I’d say a mixture of sleeping pills and vodka might do it, but it could backfire. Therapy is for pussies so that’s out. You know what, and this is true for almost any relationship situation you find yourself in. If you really want out but can’t bring yourself to do it, then just alienate her until she makes the decision.