THE WINGMAN

Dear Mr Macon Out

I have trouble going up and talking to women. It just makes me incredibly nervous. Any pointers?

Signed
Nerve Racked in Newnan

Dear Nerve Racked,

It’s easy. Find a wingman. Now a wingman is usually used to occupy the least attractive girl in a group of girls so that you can upgrade, but it’s totally acceptable to use them to get over your nervousness. The thing is, you have to have the right wingman. Here are some traits to look for.

He needs to be your equal. This means he doesn’t need to have a really cool job, make more money than you, or a lot better looking. It’s acceptable for him to have more skills with the lady folk, because if he’s a good wingman, he’ll understand his mission and be able to use those skills to make you look better.


2. He keeps you Tight- A little boogie? He’s got it. Traces of BBQ sauce on your shirt? He’s carrying club soda. He’s basically your personal assistant for the evening making sure that everything you do is done in the proper manner.

3. He knows you well. You don’t have to talk to let him know what to do. He can tell when you’re fumbling the ball, and he’s there for the lateral. He knows when to jump in; he knows when to back off.

4. He prevents interference- This is one of the most important traits of a good wingman, in my opinion. This means he engages, at close range, anyone who gets in the way of your target. It means picking fights with jocks, dancing with the cock-blocking fat chicks, and striking up conversation with any available female in the pack who might entice your girl to go on with it.

5. He can go Kamikaze on that ass. A good wingman has no fear. He’ll crash right into a table full of hot chicks, with no fear of being shot down. If he lands safely, he’ll call you right over into the herd. Let the games begin.

6. He’s good at recon- He finds out all the info on the girl you’re after. He goes into deep cover mode to find it out, talking with co-workers, friends, and most importantly, her ex-lovers.

7. He keeps you Going- He’s your Erk Russell. Your Vice Dooley. He Keeps You motivated giving you pep talks when you’re down and grabbing you by the facemask when you’re flubbing up. While you focus on your job, he surveys the entire game and looks tells you how to navigate. He’ll give you a post game analysis, whether you win or lose, and over time, make you a better player.